Many of us have encountered massive change during the pandemic or possibly even before then. As we’ve been told often, the only thing that is constant is change and we’ve grown to see this truth to be self evident. Even though we do our best to flow through very difficult moments, it’s especially hard when they are moments circled around relationships. There are always strong emotional ties to the ending of connections, no matter the circumstances.

Some may agree that our romantic relationship’s have been challenged during the pandemic. We’ve been working from home five days a week, unable to leave unless for personal necessities, like going to the grocery store, walking our dogs, or getting an outdoor run. But the majority of us are just bored in the house, while some of us have realized that we do not like the person we’re shacked up with. Through the course of this very unique experience, we’re processing deep issues and have had revelations about our personal needs for happiness. Some are ending relationships, had relationships end, revamping their personal journeys and reclaiming their time.

I myself can attest to this since the ending of my last relationship and the time I took to regroup, prior to and amidst the pandemic. Through solitude and therapy I’m grateful to have gone inwards for healing. I’ve had the opportunity to reevaluate the growth needed to fall forwards after heartbreak.

So why does it hurt so much when it ends?

Most likely you’ve spent a world of time with this person, you devoted years of your life and you had some form of expectations for longevity. Not only does the relationship end with the significant other, but it also may end with their family, friends, and possibly mutual friends. You’re feeling grief, isolation, judgement and possibly restlessness.

The tower of expectation has fallen and you are left in the center amongst the rubble and debris. What do you do, now?

Seek Familial Support

Your family is the best source for uplifting support. They want the best for you and will be a great resource for comfort. Your family can be your biggest cheerleaders and champion you to the finish line of recovery from heartbreak. This applies also to close friends who have the capacity to support you through this tough time. Whether it’s offering you a listening ear, their presence, or a little nudge to get out the house and take a long walk in nature. Call your family or friends they’ll play a vital role in cheering you up!

Write It Out

Journaling is an opportunity to release emotional buildup. It’s a “ check-in” after you’ve checked-out from your reality and positive emotions. It’s an opportunity to better understand the intensity you’re trying to process. Also remain aware that just like the ocean, our emotions come in waves; Up and down sensations of events you continue to repeat in your thoughts can become unbearable. It’s important to take the time to write out letters, words of affirmation, and even spiritual intentions. It’s a great practice to manifest the results you’re looking for or to see how far you’ve come from the beginning of your suffering.

Pick Up a Hobby

In Sex and the City, Season 4 Episode 18 (I Heart NY), Charlotte York finally settled and agreed to divorce her husband she’d been separated from for a while. Once they agreed that it would be best for them to go their separate ways for good, Charlotte decided to pick up tap dancing classes and volunteering at The Moma. Considering her circumstances it wasn’t completely ideal at first, she had a small emotional breakdown during her tap class, a hard time finding a job and almost bumped into her ex while volunteering the museum tour. But who cares after all, it gave Charlotte her autonomy back.
When you’re starting new it’s important that you’re giving space for growth.

Who are you now? New phone, who this?

Charlotte’s desire to explore new interests allowed her to kickstart her singlehood with a bang, while learning and leaning into what she wanted for herself (and a future partner). You’re only as interesting as the depths of your own interests, so get back to doing the things you love or always wanted to do.

Go To Therapy

Invest in yourself and your mental health. There are so many ways to talk through your grievances. Seek out a licensed professional and if that isn’t something you can financially commit to; there are more resource options (HERE: DIY Healthcare) for affordable mental health alternatives. Understand your needs, your wants, as well as what you would like to apply for your better self and future. But always know there is beauty in breaking and putting back the pieces to create something even better. Something completely new!

Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

Before trying this have a good amount of self-awareness, ask yourself “who will I be as a partner, who have I been until now in my relationships, how have I shown up?” Rather than finding the right person, tap into “What is it that I do.”
Have an understanding of your love language, your attachment and argument style, recalibrate and diversify your standards. But above all have the courage to try at it again, don’t give up on love.

As for me, the time I took for myself to mend my heart, gave me a newly found lease on life. In the mist of starting over and exploring new hobbies I stumbled into someone who is kind, adventurous, and loving. Although I do not know where things will lead, I’m grateful for the opportunity for this connection, my ability to accept love back into my life and what I’ve learned from my past experiences.