How to keep the Spark, when your Relationship is in a Rut. By Tianna Andrea

So you and your beau have been together for some time and surviving all elements of a pandemic. Things may have gotten stale and you want it to be more spicy and fun?
Since we’ve been stuck in the house looking at our spouse all day, every day. It can be an overwhelming experience, things may have become predictable and life seems pretty mundane. So I recommend you attempt to keep things new as much as possible.

This is the person you’ve decided to spend a good part of your life with and it’s necessary to do your due diligence to keep the spark alive. Granted this isn’t a one way street, because both parties have to be equally invested in wanting to keep the flames ablaze. But here are some ways that you can kick-start a cycle of mutual vibrancy and pleasure.

Initiate the Change: If you see your relationship is sort of dull than make it a priority to initiate the steps towards rejuvenation. It’s your responsibility once you realize things are lagging and need some extra attention. Many of us may feel resentful or feel it’s not our responsibility it’s our partners responsibility because he or she “checked out” but like Gandhi said “ be the change you want to see”, put in some elbow grease and get to work!

Communicate your Feelings: Express how you want things to change and how you would like to try something new. Discuss what you could do in order to push forwards to evolve. Sometimes both parties vision, may not be the same. Breaking things down for a better plan for progress, may be helpful.
Perspective is unique to the individual, and what you may see as “common sense” is ‘your’ common sense. Always keep in mind that we don’t see things ‘as they are’, we see things “as we are”. Once you accept and acknowledge that to be true, you’re less likely to expect for what you don’t ask for. Especially if you haven’t expressed it between the both of you, first.

Leave a Note: Who doesn’t love a sweet message on a Post it, or a written letter, or a thoughtful card with a personalized intimate message, to top it off. Why? Because it’s the thought, no matter how cliché that may seem. Showing your admiration, love, and affection in a way that’s classic, means a lot more than you think.

Visit Your Old Spots: Remember why you both fell in love, go back to the old places that sparked the feelings of love. Think about what made things so romantic and repeat those moments for old times sake. Nostalgia can be comforting and almost arousing. The act can spark familiar and happy memories about your relationship.

Keep It Fresh in the Bedroom: Try something new in between the sheets. Try buying you and your mate “ Position Of The Day” book. It’s a book that illustrates 365 mind and body bending sexual positions, one for each day of the year. It also allows you to keep record, just for fun! Have an exploratory moment with a new toy, technique, role play, or location. If sex has always been taboo in your relationship, try having a discussion about your desires or needs. No one can guess what you want. Now to make it even more awkward (for those of you who feel sex is taboo) I’ve provided a video to help start the conversation.

Try a New Activity Together: Go on Groupon and each randomly pick something you’ve never done as a couple.Try painting, cooking classes, horseback riding, a couples massage, or even a bike tour. Do something you two have always talked about but have never had the opportunity, until now. What ever you decide to do, make sure you both get out of the house, if you can.

Romance, love, and dating is similar to a roller coaster. There will always be ups and downs through the evolution of the relationship. It’s completely up to you to decide if you’ll be along for the ride kicking and screaming or embrace the ride with arms wide open.

If you need a bit more guidance circled around this topic take a moment to watch the video below by Esther Perel, who is a Therapist, Author and Speaker. Her work has explored the tension between the need for security and the need for freedom in human relationships. She eloquently pulls back the layers of perspective when it comes to relationships, love, desire, sex, and intimacy.